Took a son down to college orientation the other day. It was rather disorienting. One day you're watching your small child ride a Big Wheel into a wall, the next he's registering for a highfalutin economics course in which the brain material he left splattered on that wall would have come in handy. Time flies.

There are 19 million people already in U.S. colleges and the number's climbing every year, apparently because of some crazed egalitarian's notion that everyone should get a degree.

People seem to forget that college diplomas held so much value at one time primarily because so few people had them. When Thomas Jefferson finished college, his peer group was probably saying, "Did you hear T.J. just graduated? That puts him way ahead of us -- he's going to make more money, get better jobs, a higher caliber of slaves, everything. We're screwed if we don't go to college, too."

Now it seems like everyone other than those who watch "Jersey Shore" are expected to shell out as much money as it would cost to buy a new car every year, for four years, just to be on an educational par with everyone else. What's the point of that? They could have instead had a new car every year for four years!

Nonetheless, this is the time of year when parents often start taking their high school seniors and juniors around on college trips, to get some idea of what's ahead. It can be a crazy time, though maybe not as crazy as on "The Sopranos," when Tony Soprano whacked a guy while taking his daughter to tour some leafy New England schools.

But based on some experience The Morning File has had with such matters over the past year or so, here are some tips for parents of college wannabes:

• Make it clear at the outset of the road trip who's calling the shots on the music in the car. "No rap with swear words" should be non-negotiable. And don't let them tune you out with their iPods when you're listening to your favorite music. They need to understand how good those '60s classics from The Troggs and The Archies were, too -- call it Music Appreciation 101.

• With so many students visiting colleges, it's important that your young one stand out from the rest. That's why it's essential during tours for you to be that parent -- there's always one -- who asks more questions than anyone else. Make sure your youngster is the focus of your question, too, as in, "My Charlene was head majorette at her high school, so what kind of special grants and scholarships do you have here for beautiful majorettes?"

Your son or daughter may try to shrink into the background at such times, might even abandon the tour and be hard to track down for a few hours afterward, but they'll thank you for it later.

• Don't despair when you walk into a freshman dorm room and are reminded, for the first time in years, of the deprivation ahead for your young relative. Granted, it's small, bare and stuffy -- not really fit for human habitation, let alone co-habitation. (If Nelson Mandela had been forced to spend 27 years in a freshman dorm at a major American institution of higher education, he would have had a hard time surviving the way he persevered in a South African prison. Apartheid might still exist.)

You can always hope that your student falls into a quick, hot romance with a sophomore or someone even higher -- say, the teaching assistant in her biology lab -- so that most of her time is spent in that person's living quarters. It's bound to happen anyway, whether you want it to or not, so roll with it.

• These colleges inevitably ask for all kinds of grade transcripts, test scores, essays and letters of reference about your teenager, but the way his application really stands out is in how he spent his extracurricular time. This is really important, because unlike grades and SATs, it's something no college admissions counselor in her right mind is actually going to take the time to verify.

So be a good parent and start planning months in advance the impressive hyperbole, distortions or outright fibs that should go on Jill or Johnny's application: Haitian earthquake rescuer, hot dog-eating contest regional champion, bridesmaid to Chelsea Clinton, etc.

• If somehow your child doesn't end up accepted to any of the colleges he or she wants -- or more importantly, any of the ones YOU want him or her to attend -- just remember it's not the end of the world. That's why the University of Phoenix exists.

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